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Ever Spent More Time in the Doctor's Office than Anywhere Else?
A friend of mine recently shared with me her struggles facing the constant long term of chronic illness. Rabbi Julie Pelc, Assistant Director of HUC-JIR's Kalsman Institute on Judaism and Health, reflected:
During Rabbinic school, I spent more time in doctor's offices than in seminary classrooms. Whereas it was initially an acute illness (for which the traditional misheberach and prayers in hopes of a "refuah shleima" would have been appropriate), the years of recovery and the resulting, permanent disability ensuring thereafter no longer qualified for such a hope or wish. She thinks about the many who are with incomplete health, yet, are not entirely "sick" either:
I think of my coworker with diabetes, a friend with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, an aunt struggling with chronic clinical depression, a classmate with lupus and ulcerative colitis and an acquaintance living with HIV. I think of my own incomplete recovery. To pray for "complete healing" for those whose ailments cannot or will not ever be completely "healed" seems audacious and even offensive. My coworkers, colleagues, family, friends, and I will negotiate medications, medical appointments, dietary needs, and fears throughout our lives. We will face unexpected side effects, professional and personal repercussions of our special needs, and stigma from many well-meaning strangers every day. Our everyday reality is one of incomplete health; yet, we are not entirely "sick", either. [Incidently, Rabbi Pelc's article is Prayer for Persisting: Moving Beyond Mi Shebeirach.]
[Bridging the Gap: More on Kalsman Institute on Judaism and Health]
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Seeking a Prayer for a Different Kind of Healing
Rabbi Pelc offers a new kind of Mi Shebeirach, a prayer for a different kind of healing:
To pray for the "complete healing of body and spirit" is to misjudge the realties of many people's lives. To understand or redefine "healing" as "making peace with one's fate" is to alter the meaning of the prayer and it may also serve to ignore our specific kind of suffering and its ever-changing realities... We need a prayer that acknowledges the reality of chronic illness. We need a prayer that asks God for the strength to persist even in the face of challenges that may seem insurmountable. We need a prayer asking that we be granted the courage to continue in life even as we face the reality of our death; to rage and to praise, to bless and to curse, to accept and to reject diagnoses simultaneously. Her prayer:
"May the One who blessed our fathers and our mothers, bless _______ son/daughter of _______: strengthen his/her heart and raise up his/her hand, with the blessings you gave to Yaakov, to Yonatan and David, to Daniel the Prophet, to Tamar mother of Peretz, to Miriam the Prophetess, and to Naomi.
May God give to him/her grace, compassion and loving-kindness; love, harmony, peace, and companionship. Speedily, Adonai our God, hear our voices, take up our prayers, and watch over his/her life-force, spirit, and soul. With respect to your power, your loving-kindness, and your great compassion, behold we say to him/her: be strong and of good courage . Spread over us all Your shelter of peace. And let us say: Amen."
[Read and Listen to the Mi Shebeirach]
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Finding Inspiration from the Struggles of Our Biblical Ancestors
We are taught that our Biblical ancestors struggled throughout their lives. Even those we hold up as Jewish role models can teach us now, since many lived through dark times which seemed to continue on and on. As Rabbi Pelc teaches:
• Our patriarch Jacob struggled with an invisible being in the night, emerging with a limp. He would not cease his wrestling until he also emerged with a blessing from his adversary.
• Jonathan was the rightful inheritor of his father's (King Saul's) throne but desired instead to yield leadership to his beloved friend, David. Because he refused to abandon his deeply held convictions, he fought against his father and died in battle defending his companion and his beliefs.
• King David is perhaps best known for his battle against the giant, Goliath, though the odds were firmly not in his favor.
• The prophet Daniel's enemies threw him into the lion's den, by order of the king.
• Tamar (Judah's daughter-in-law) was twice widowed, childless, and then denied remarriage by her father-in-law because Judah feared that she would somehow cause the death of a third husband, were she to be allowed to marry again.
• The prophet Miriam was struck with a skin disease, tzarraat, which forced her to live outside the camp until she was healed.
• Naomi lost her husband and both her sons in quick succession in a foreign land. She cried out, "God has embittered my soul", feeling that she was left completely empty, devoid of blessing or hope.
• As Moses passes the mantle of leadership to the next generation, he says, "hazzak v'amatz", meaning: "May you be strong and courageous"
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What Would Henaynu Caring for People with Chronic Illness Look Like?
We at Or Ami take particular pride in our Henaynu Caring Community Committee and its sacred pursuit of transforming each of us into agents of healing for each other. At each service, in our d'var refu'ah (words about healing) we speak of illness and loss, of hope and healing. We created our own healing CD, Songs of Healing. We regularly expand our concept of illness beyond acute illness. We shattered the veil of silence when we spoke at length about the need to include people with mental illness in our prayers. Thus we ask for the blessing of the community and God's blessing for those facing physical illness, mental illness, spiritual struggle, and emotional turmoil. So often we are able to deal with the crisis of illness. We know how to reach out before or after the surgery or visit to the hospital. But illness strikes us in ways that are more hidden than times of surgery or hospital visits. Thus, recently we deputized a Henaynu committee member to stay in touch with families with children with special needs. We are in the process of doing the same for people living through, struggling through, separation and divorce.
Now is the time to figure out how to take the next step. But when illness moves into the long-term - like Fibromyalgia, chronic depression, or..., we often do not know how to sustain our support. May this prayer may help both the person living with chronic illness and the community as we try to change attitudes.
[Read Rabbi Pelc's Complete Article]
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Talkback: 'Cause We Jews Always Have an Opinion!
As always, I invite your thoughts and reflections. Let's share them together as we form a community that cares even more deeply. Click here to go to my blog. Read what others have already written. Then, near the bottom, click on "Post a Comment" to offer your insights and reflections on these questions:
* In what ways does this new prayer speak to you?
* Are you or a loved one struggling with chronic illness? What would meaningful support from the community look like?
* What lessons would you like to teach others about the unique challenges of living with chronic illness? Thank you for caring about caring.
Rabbi Paul J. Kipnes
[Click here to Talkback!]
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Congregation Or Ami
"Light of My People"
26115 Mureau Road, Ste. B
Calabasas, CA 91302
(818) 880-4880
http://www.orami.org
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